Here we are: orphans of truth in a society that continually casts meaning aside. We felt something inexplicable–a sense of purpose like a relic of childhood–a trailing cloud of glory that began fading long ago. Yet as we grew we could not ignore a sense of mystery shrouded beneath the rules and the routines. We left high school with no regrets and marched eagerly forward. In college we were not tested in classrooms, but in the trenches of our hearts. We were confronted finally with that less infamous–yet more insidious–malady of adulthood: ambiguity. Right and wrong lost their traction, tumbled into pits of doubt. In the fires of confusion and uncertainty we forged ourselves.
Now we hear the echo of truth’s ballad, and dare to trace it back to the source, undaunted with no certain destination. At the peak of our conviction, the echo begins to fade. We panic, afraid of a life deaf to the song, afraid we will become just like the generation before us, afraid we will abandon the mission. And then silence.
So here we are: orphans, hungry for the love of a guardian. Tossed around and abandoned to the care of myths. Mommy Myth told us to go to college. We came back with bachelor’s degrees and Daddy Dime told us to get a job. Some of us are making money and wondering if there’s more to it. Some of us are broke, making angry accusations that our foster parents were liars. We are the lost generation. We could make it work, could find a way to do good with our money, or to make a pittance in the service of others. But we still feel something inexplicable–a sense of purpose like a legacy from our parents–the lullaby of crashing waves, of mighty waters rolling evermore.
So in the silence, where to listen?
June 10th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Jack, I hear you and I think many people can relate to these thoughts. My internal arguments are less about money these days but more about truth and openness (which I suppose can translate into money concerns)- wanting to be honest about what I think or feel but coming from many years of trying to avoid conflicts that often result. I figured there was nothing “false” about keeping quiet, but as I get older I don’t really think that is true. Nodding in agreement just to fit in or have more opportunities feels increasingly wrong and can be implicated in many of our collective problems.
I think sometimes when we feel hopeless we begin to wonder what difference it makes anyway- when we get burnt out we wonder about public service or the “helping professions” or we get disgusted with the systems and are not sure if it is even worth the sacrifices. I watched my friends get married and buy giant vinyl suburban homes and take expensive vacations, but I never wondered if I should try to do something with a better salary. I thought I was doing exactly what I should be doing with social work. Not “having” in comparison was not my problem- but wanting so much to have purpose WAS my problem because it really depressed me when I felt like I was not doing that.
So yeah- we are told that if we play by certain rules like getting a degree that life will be easier and we are told that our hours are intended for work. Period. Little more.
I think we have to realize that we do need more.
June 10th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Yeah. We have to prepare for the adoptee’s painful search to find his or her “real” parents. Our “real” parent is truth, and our cultural foster parents have lied to us and tried to keep us from discovering our roots. It hurts. It’s difficult. It’s all there is.